Last night I witnessed a comic performer lose the room on a panel-style show with a throwaway joke about rape culture.
He spent the rest of the night trying to win the audience back. It was a huge bummer.
In the past year this I have seen many male comedians in this predicament.
Guys, I can help.
DOCTOR: Mz. Leiser, your results came back and... you may want to sit down.
LIZZ: What is it, Doctor? It is cancer?
DOCTOR: No, no: much worse. (long sigh) Unfortunately, you have what we call in the medical community
AMERICA: Hey Lizz, we were all going to go do something-- We were thinking either sports or theater. Thoughts?
LIZZ: Theater. Theater all the way.
AMERICA: Uh, ok, that was a pretty snap decision. Do you maybe want to think about it?
LIZZ: Oh, I thought about it. And here’s the thing,
FACEBOOK FEED: Sports! Politics! Sports! More Politics! More fucking sports!
LIZZ: What... is happening?
FACEBOOK FEED: Trump! Baseball! More Trump!
LIZZ: Oh God...
FACEBOOK FEED: DAVID'S BRIDAL WEDDING GOWN SPONSORED POST!!!
LIZZ: Am I... is this hell?
This is the law of the city,
As tight as the sea and the sand.
Be wary of holding steadfast to a path,
While you're lost in the palm of your hand.
Where kindness is often in silence,
And violence will turn on its own,
And if you stay sharp and unyielding,
You can live here with many, alone.
LIZZ LEISER (Caucasian, female, early 30s) and DAMIAN MARTINEZ (bi-racial Puerto Rican/Caucasian, male, mid 40s) finish a meal at a fancy restaurant, a WAITER (any ethnicity, male, ageless) approaches and instinctively hands Damian the check
LIZZ: No, no. I'll get it. Just put it on my....
(produces sparkly pink credit card with a distinctive umami scent) WomanCard(R)....
(leans low to expose rockin' boob cleavage)
WAITER: Of course.
(Waiter exits.)
LIZZ: Anyway, so I was like, sure you can pay me the lowest possible salary but what about maternity--
WAITER: Terribly sorry Madame, but it seems that your card was declined.
(LIZZ walks into store, approaches SALESPERSON)
LIZZ: Hello, can you please direct me to your black drapey sweaters?
SALESPERSON: Of course! Are you interested in our "The Media Has Convinced Me That My Body is a Horrorshow and I Must Cover Up Because I am So Ashamed" collection or do you prefer the "If I Wear This I Will Be Invisible Even Though My Voice is Super Loud" line?